Friday 5 August 2016

Four nuns confessing to the priest

It was Friday, and four nuns went to the priest at the local Catholic church to ask for the weekend off. They argued back and forth for a few minutes.
Finally the priest agreed to let them leave the convent for the weekend.
 "However", he said, "as soon as you get back Monday morning I want you to confess to me what you did over the weekend."
The four nuns agree, and run off.

Monday comes, and the four nuns return.
The first nun goes to the priest and says, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."
The priest asks, "What did you do, Sister?"
She replies, "I watched an R-rated movie."
The priest looks up at heaven for a few seconds, then replies, "You are forgiven. Go and drink the holy water."
The first nun leaves, and the fourth nun begins to chuckle quietly under her breath.

The second nun then goes up to the priest and says, "Forgive me , Father, for I have sinned."
The priest replies, "OK, what happened?"
She says, "I was driving my brother's car down the street in front of his house, and I hit a neighbors dog and killed it."
The priest looks up to heaven for half a minute, then says,"You are forgiven. Go and drink the holy water."
The second nun goes out.
By this time, the fourth nun is laughing quite audibly.

Then the third nun walks to the priest and says, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."
The priest asks, "Out with it. What did you do?"
She says, "Last night, I ran naked up and down Main Street."
The priest looks up at heaven for a full five minutes before responding, "God forgives you. Go
and drink the holy water."
She leaves.
The fourth nun falls on the floor, laughing so hard tears run down her cheeks.

The priest asks her, "OK. What did you do that was so bloody funny?"
The fourth nun replies, "I peed in the holy water..."

Four nuns standing in line at the gates of heaven

Four nuns were standing in line at the gates of heaven.
Peter asks the first if she has ever sinned.
"Well, once I looked at a man's penis," she said.
"Put some of this holy water on your eyes and you may enter heaven," Peter  told her.
Peter then asked the second nun if she had ever sinned. 
"Well, once I held a man's penis," she replied.
"Put your hand in this holy water and you may enter heaven," he said.
Just then the fourth nun pushed ahead of the third nun. 
Peter asked her, "Why did you push ahead in line?"
She said, "Because I want to gargle before she sits in it!"