Farmer and wife

A farmer and his wife are having problems in the bedroom and he wants to spice things up.

They go to see a therapist who asks them what they think the problem is.

The wife says, "I just don't have the time like I used to. I'm always busy cooking, cleaning, doing the laundry and everything else. I guess sex is starting to lose its appeal."

The farmer is disheartened to hear this. The therapist tells him, "You need to mix things up a bit. You'll just have to do something new and sexy to attract her."

The next morning the wife is doing chores in the house when she hears strange noises outside.

She runs out of the kitchen and into the barn where she sees her husband completely naked thrusting his dick in and out of tractor's exhaust pipe.

She yells out, "Oh my goodness, what are you doing?"

The farmer looks up at her and says, "Well the therapist said I should do something sexy to a tractor."

Farmer and lady in a bar - celebrating

 A chicken farmer goes into a bar, takes a seat next to a woman, and orders a glass of champagne. The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"

He turns to her and says, "What a coincidence. This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating."

"This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating," says the woman.

"What a coincidence," says the man. They clink glasses and he asks, "What are you celebrating?"

"My husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!"

"What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile."

"That's great," says the woman. "How did your chickens become fertile?"

"I switched cocks," he replies.

"What a coincidence," she said.

The Lady and the Farmer

A farmer stopped by a hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. Then he stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose.

However, struggling outside the store, he wondered how to carry all his purchases home.

While he was scratching his head, he was approached by a lady who told him she was lost.

She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to this address please?'

The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there, but I can't carry this lot.'

The lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm, and carry the goose in your other hand?'

'Thats a good idea,' he said, and proceeded to walk the lady home.

On the way, he said, 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time.'

The lady looked him over cautiously and said, 'I am a lonely widow without a husband to protect me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?'

The farmer said, 'Holy smokes, lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?'

The lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.'

Hot mom fucks a stranger

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Simple Housewife

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Indian Wife is a Diwali Night Treat

It was about 9 pm on a Saturday night when Yashodhara and I drove up to a large house on the outskirts of the Midwestern town we lived in. The house was decked up in lights with several Chinese lanterns hanging from it. There was a big group of children to one side of the house, setting off fireworks. Watching them, sat half a dozen or so Indian women decked up in expensive looking silk saris and jewelry. I parked the car in between two others, and Yashodhara and I, taking a couple of plastic bags, walked to the front door.

"Happy Diwali!" a middle aged lady who was standing by the door greeted us.

"Happy Diwali to you too!" Yashodhara and I replied. And immediately, the air was filled with sounds of bursting fire crackers. When the sound subsided half a minute later, the lady said.

"Feels just like Diwali back home in India doesn't it, with this cacophony?"

"Sure does! I am surprised the neighbors haven't complained to the cops." I said.

"I was wondering about it too, but apparently, everyone who lives within an earshot is Indian and is at the party already."

"Is this your house?"

"No. In fact I am not even sure whose house this is. Anyway, go on in and mingle. It's a very informal party. I have to stay here and keep an eye on my kids."

Nurses aren't supposed to laugh

Visiting a clinic one day, Joe looked into the nurses eyes and said, "Nurses aren't supposed to laugh, right?"

"Of course I won't laugh. I'm a professional nurse. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."

"Okay then," Joe said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest man penis the nurse had ever seen. Length and width, it couldn't have been bigger than a AAA battery.

Unable to control herself, the nurse started giggling then almost fell to the floor laughing.

A few minutes later she was able to regain her composure.

"I'm so sorry," said the nurse. "I don't know what came over me.
On my honour as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won't happen again. Now tell me, what seems to be the problem?"

"It's swollen," Joe replied.

Things went downhill from there.